A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees.

"I don't want to know!" Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears. Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong.

"Oh Pop," Johnny sobbed, "for me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you're telling me now that grown ups don't really have sex, I've got nothing left to believe in!"

A lesson that some people will never learn.

Little Johnny was on a park bench stuffing all of his Halloween candy in his mouth. An old lady came over and said. "Son, don't you know that eating all of that candy will rot your teeth, give you acne, and make you sick?"

"My grandfather lived to be 105 years old!" replied Johnny.

"Did he eat five candy bars at a sitting?" the old lady retorted.

"No," said Johnny, "but he minded his own freakin' business."

I've got something in my pocket for you...

One day in school, the teacher decides to play 20 questions.

So the teacher says "OK kids, I am thinking of something round, and red"

Little Suzy pipes up "I know, it's a tomato".

"No but you're thinking, it's an apple" replies the teacher.

So Little Johnny stands up, places his hand in his pocket and says "I am holding onto something that is round, hard, and has a head on it"

"Go to the principals office" says the teacher.

"No but you're thinking", say Johnny, "It's a quarter"