A man goes to see a wizard and says: "Can you lift a curse that was put on me years ago?"
"Maybe" says the wizard, "If you can remember the exact words of the curse."
The man replies without hesitation: "I now pronounce you as man and wife!"
Showing posts with label Battle of the Sexes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Battle of the Sexes. Show all posts
Monday, June 13, 2016
Monday, May 30, 2016
Friday, May 27, 2016
Thursday, May 26, 2016
Monday, May 16, 2016
Monday, October 15, 2012
How true is this?
I've personally known for a very long time that the likelihood of being accused of sexual abuse at work was entirely based on whether or not she thought he was attractive.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Beer
Yesterday, government scientists suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.
The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each.
It was then observed that 100 % of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong.
The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each.
It was then observed that 100 % of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
He said to me...
He said to me . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it
I said to him . . . You wear pants don't you?
He said to me . . ...... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
I said . That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart
He said to me.. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
I said to him . ..... Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
He said to me. ..... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
I said to him .. . They don't have time
He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I said to him .. . I don't know; it has never happened.
He said to me. .. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?
I said to him . . . They already have boyfriends.
He said...What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
I said. . . A widow.
He said to me..... Why are married women heavier than single women?
I said to him . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
I said to him . . . You wear pants don't you?
He said to me . . ...... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
I said . That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart
He said to me.. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
I said to him . ..... Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
He said to me. ..... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
I said to him .. . They don't have time
He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I said to him .. . I don't know; it has never happened.
He said to me. .. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?
I said to him . . . They already have boyfriends.
He said...What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
I said. . . A widow.
He said to me..... Why are married women heavier than single women?
I said to him . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
What is the difference between girls / women aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68, and 78?
At 8: You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18: You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28: You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38: She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At 48: She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58: You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68: If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!
At 78: What story? What bed? Who the hell are you?
At 18: You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28: You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38: She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At 48: She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58: You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68: If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!
At 78: What story? What bed? Who the hell are you?
Sunday, December 20, 2009
A Guy's Job
A guy sticks his location,
In a girl's destinstion,
To increase the population,
For the next generation.
Do you get my explanation?
Or do you need a demonstration?
In a girl's destinstion,
To increase the population,
For the next generation.
Do you get my explanation?
Or do you need a demonstration?
Saturday, November 28, 2009
A Geography Lesson
GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa . Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe . Well developed and
open to trade, especially for someone of real value.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain , very hot , relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece , gently aging
but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain,
with a glorious and all conquering past.
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel, has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada,
self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.
After 70, she becomes Tibet . Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages....
An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge..
THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
Between 1 and 80, a man is like Iran , ruled by nuts.
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa . Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe . Well developed and
open to trade, especially for someone of real value.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain , very hot , relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece , gently aging
but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain,
with a glorious and all conquering past.
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel, has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada,
self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.
After 70, she becomes Tibet . Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages....
An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge..
THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
Between 1 and 80, a man is like Iran , ruled by nuts.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
He Said / She Said
He said to me . ... . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got
nothing to put in it
I said to him ... . . You wear pants don't you?
He said to me ... . ........ Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
I said . That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I
sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart
He said to me.. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery
money I gave you?
I said to him . ..... Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
He said to me. ..... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
I said to him .. . They don't have time
He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I said to him .. . I don't know; it has never happened.
He said to me. . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive,
caring and Good- looking?
I said to him . . . They already have boyfriends.
He said...What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
I said. . . A widow.
He said to me.... Why are married women heavier than single women?
I said to him .. . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge
and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to
the fridge.
nothing to put in it
I said to him ... . . You wear pants don't you?
He said to me ... . ........ Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
I said . That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I
sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart
He said to me.. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery
money I gave you?
I said to him . ..... Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
He said to me. ..... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
I said to him .. . They don't have time
He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I said to him .. . I don't know; it has never happened.
He said to me. . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive,
caring and Good- looking?
I said to him . . . They already have boyfriends.
He said...What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
I said. . . A widow.
He said to me.... Why are married women heavier than single women?
I said to him .. . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge
and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to
the fridge.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?
My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started....
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started....
Monday, November 2, 2009
A Dirty Joke...
My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
If men had PMS, what would happen?
If men had PMS, what would happen?
a) The federal government would allocate funds to study it.
b) Cramps would become an acceptable reason to apply for permanent
disability.
c) There would be a federal holiday every 28 days.
d) All of the above.
a) The federal government would allocate funds to study it.
b) Cramps would become an acceptable reason to apply for permanent
disability.
c) There would be a federal holiday every 28 days.
d) All of the above.
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