Smart Guys.

NOVICE: Do clever men make good husbands?

SAGE: Clever men don't BECOME husbands!

Magic Show Volunteer

Incidentally, If it was a boy, shed have named it Kreskin. Now she has no choice but to name it Terrorspawn.

Dumb Family Feud Family

"Name an animal with three letters in its name." "Alligator."

He said to me...

He said to me . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it
I said to him . . . You wear pants don't you?


He said to me . . ...... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
I said . That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart


He said to me.. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
I said to him . ..... Turn sideways and look in the mirror!


He said to me. ..... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
I said to him .. . They don't have time


He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I said to him .. . I don't know; it has never happened.


He said to me. .. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?
I said to him . . . They already have boyfriends.


He said...What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
I said. . . A widow.


He said to me..... Why are married women heavier than single women?
I said to him . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

Comedy School - How to Learn Stand-Up Comedy

By Simon Cad

If you do decide that you want to do stand-up comedy, then you need to hone your craft. In order to do that you can go to comedy school or take lessons, you can watch other comedians, and you can practice.

If you want to be a stand-up comedian, you might consider going to comedy school. Many community colleges offer standup comedy or improvisation classes. Often these are affiliated with the theatre department of the school. Taking comedy classes is a great way to practice your techniques. Your friends may think your jokes are hilarious, but teachers and other aspiring comedians will be much more critical. It is also good to meet like-minded people who can support and encourage you in your goals.

If you want to learn comedy, one of the best ways is to watch other comedians. YouTube is a great resource for this, since you can replay and study whatever parts of a routine interest you. If you are watching other comedians, try to choose people with a style similar to yours. This will help you apply their techniques to the jokes that you already tell.

The old saying about getting to Carnegie hall by practicing is true. If you want to be good at stand-up comedy, you need to practice, practice, and then practice some more. Tell your jokes in front of a mirror. Tell them to your friends, and ask them to be honest with you. If you are going to comedy school, tell your jokes there and use your friends' feedback to improve your delivery and punchlines. Professional comedians spend many hours honing their routines before ever getting up on stage to perform.

If you want to do stand-up comedy, the road is not easy. Many people try and fail, or never get past their local nightclub. Many more people never get up the courage to even try. If you're determined to give it a shot, there are ways that you can improve your chances of success. First, consider going to comedy school. Second, watch other comedians. Third, practice your jokes.

If you're looking for more advice on comedy school or writing jokes, check out http://www.comedyschoolreview.com.

What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.

Q: Why is it so hard to replace Vanna White?

A: They can't find another blond who knows the whole alphabet.

What is the difference between girls / women aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68, and 78?

At 8: You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18: You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28: You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38: She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At 48: She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58: You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68: If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!
At 78: What story? What bed? Who the hell are you?

Stop!!!!

A police officer saw a car speeding down the highway.

He started chasing after the speeder . When he got close he's saw it was a blonde woman who was actually knitting while driving.

The cop yelled, "Pull over!"

The blonde shouted back, "No! It's a sweater!"

Dementia Quiz

Below are four (4) questions and a Bonus question to test your perception, reasoning and the quickness of your logical processing.

They are stated simply so you should try to answer them instantly.
To assure the accuracy of the results, you should not take your time , but instead, answer each of them immediately... then move on to the next question

OK?



Let's find out just how clever you really are....


..
Ready? GO!!! (scroll down slowly to uncover Q's and A's )








First Question :

You are a participant in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<






Answer : If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely WRONG! If you over take the second person and you take his place, YOU are in second place!

Try not to screw up next time. Now answer the second question, but don't take as much time as you took for the first question, OK?




Second Question :
I f you overtake the last person, then you are...?
(scroll down)



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~











Answer : If you answered that you are second to last, then you are ; ; ; ;WRONG again. Tell me Sunshine, how can you overtake the LAST person??


You're not very good at this, are you?




Third Question :
Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator.
Try it.



Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000 Now add 30 . Add another 1000 . Now add 20 . Now add another 1000 . Now add 10 . What is the total?


Scroll down for the correct answer......









~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~








Did you get 5000 ?

The correct answer is actually 4100 .



If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator! Today is definitely not your day, is it ?
Maybe you'll get the last question right... Maybe....



Fourth Question:

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2.. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono, and ??? What is the name of the fifth daughter?







~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~







Did you Answer Nunu? NO! Of course it isn't.
Her name is Mary you retard! Read the question again!








Okay, now the Bonus round,
i.e., a final chance to redeem yourself:







A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.
Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~









It's really very simple
He opens his mouth and ask for it...

Does your employer actually pay you to think??
If so Do NOT let them see your answers for this test!

PASS TH IS ON TO FRUSTRATE THE
SMART PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE!
Have a nice day, one and all.