Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?

Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?

So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Monday, July 11, 2016

Monday, June 13, 2016

A man goes to see a wizard and says: "Can you lift a curse that was put on me years ago?"

"Maybe" says the wizard, "If you can remember the exact words of the curse."

The man replies without hesitation: "I now pronounce you as man and wife!"

Monday, May 30, 2016

What are a woman's four favorite animals?

A mink in the closet, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom, and an ass to pay for it all.

Saturday, May 28, 2016

Friday, May 27, 2016

Why don't women blink during foreplay?

They don't have time.

Thursday, May 26, 2016

Husband and Wife on 10th anniversary. The wife undresses and says: "What did you think when I stripped 10 years ago?"

He says: "I wanted to fuck your brains out and suck your tits dry".

She says: "What are you thinking now?"

"Looks like I did a pretty good job!"

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees.

"I don't want to know!" Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears. Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong.

"Oh Pop," Johnny sobbed, "for me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you're telling me now that grown ups don't really have sex, I've got nothing left to believe in!"

Monday, May 23, 2016

Sunday, May 22, 2016

Saturday, May 21, 2016

7 ways to compliment boobs

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replies in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Monday, May 16, 2016

There are these three women A redhead a brunette and a blonde. And they start to talk about their daughters. The red head says "you know i caught my daughter with cigars i did not know she smoked!" then the brunette says " I know! i found booze in my daughters room i didnt know mine drank!" then the blonde says.."OMG i like totally know where ur coming form OMG, i found like these these ummm condoms!? in my daughters OMG i didnt know she had *whispers* a penisssss"

A woman was paying for some items in a supermarket - a pint of milk, a packet of bacon, a small bag of rice and a few vegetables. The man at the checkout said, "I bet you're single, aren't you?"

"Well yes, I am," the woman replied. "How did you know?"

"Because you're really ugly," replied the man.


Saturday, May 14, 2016

Ha ha ha ha ha
Yo momma is so ugly, she makes blind children cry.

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

A little girl goes to the barbers with her dad and stands next to the chair eating a muffin while her dad gets a haircut.

The barber smiles at her and says: "Your gonna get hair on your muffin!"

"I know" she says "im gonna get tits too you dirty old bastard!"

Friday, May 6, 2016

Doctor: "Look, you're going to have to stop masturbating."

Patient: "Why?"

Doctor: "Because I'm trying to examine you!"